notyetlegend | → IC CONTACT FOR eachdraidh

[She certainly understood that. Her pride was what had come between her and her mother, she understood that now having been here for three months, and her talk with Diarmuid after the fear dogs had made her see that. It wasn't always an easy thing to handle.]

It sounds like he was very approvin' of th' two of you as a couple though.

I suppose he was. I think he knew how I felt about Diarmuid, and he was quite worried at what would happen to the both of us if we were caught.

[Those memories were a little more faded, since they were so brief and fleeting.]

It was hard to admit for a long time, but I think Diarmuid himself didn't approve until well into the year we were running. It was one of the most difficult times in my life.

I think I know how he felt. I still don't feel right about leavin' th' manor, but I'm makin' th' best choices I can right now given everythin' that's going on.

[Merida's voice is as gentle as she can make it.]

I'm sure he felt th' same way, but it got easier over time to feel comfortable with his decision.

Edited 2015-01-11 08:31 (UTC)

I did not feel happy about leaving Teamhair myself, but I had few other recourses to take and I thought he saw those things that appealed to him in me. I often wonder about that, but I am too afraid to ask.

[She hesitates a moment, as if she feels very unsure what she says next.]

Merida, have you been told since you were young you would one day marry?

Aye.

[There's a small sigh in her voice.]

Ever since I was young, I knew mum was trainin' me to become Queen one day. I knew what that meant, that that meant takin' over th' homestead an' marryin' someone. I thought I'd have a choice over whether I did that or not but...a month or so after my sixteenth, she told me th' lords were bringin' their sons as suitors for my betrothal.

And there were no others to offer? Were they such that you could not refuse all of them?

[Grainne's voice is both curious and surprised. Three for a princess of Merida's rank and beauty? There should be dozens.]

Have things changed so much in your time...

We're not aligned with any other clans in th' area. Those three lords were th' only ones who came to my father's aid when th' northern invaders came. He might be their king but...there are others who do not claim him.

[She rubs the back of her neck.]

I refused them. I didn't want any part in any choice I couldn't make, but mum wouldn't have any of it. She made me go through with th' presentation an' th' games. So I took up th' challenge myself for my own hand an' beat all three of them.

The politics of kingdoms. So many to quarrel amongst themselves. It is good your father had allies against the north men, but a princess should be courted by many, enemy and ally alike, so she has her choice of men...

[Merida's story is fascinating, and Grainne's eyes spark with interest and admiration.]

Oh, Merida, what a smart lass you are. You gained your freedom in such a way they could do naught but improve themselves and give insult to no one.

If only my mother saw it that way.

[She's a little flattered by the sudden interest, really. Hearing someone rapt with so much fascination is a little embarrassing.]

We had a fight shortly after. [There's a lot of guilt in the tone of her voice here.] I tore her tapestry with a sword an' she threw my bow into th' fire. We were both too stubborn an' prideful to admit either of us was wrong. [Merida sighs a little.] I left an' fled th' castle on Angus until we came to th' stone circle.

Edited 2015-01-11 11:06 (UTC)

Oh...

[That sounds a little familiar, and it tore her heart a little to hear something so sad come between mother and daughter.]

I am sorry... mothers and daughters should always know each other's hearts. Did she not see yours? It is so alive and vibrant, I cannot imagine how.

I used to think that sometimes she couldn't see me at all. Not me as I am but th' me she wanted me to be. Someone like her full of grace an' wisdom who was ready to take over as Queen.

[She clears her throat, suddenly finding it a bit clogged as her accent thickened.]

I wasn't ready at all. It's not that I'm avert to gettin' married or takin' over eventually, I just...wasn't ready at th' time. [She pauses.] I guess that's why I chose to court Cu here. Because it was my choice an' I could experience somethin' for myself, th' freedom that came with makin' that choice. An' he doesn't expect me to be anythin' less than who I am.

[There's a small silence as Grainne thinks on that, feeling her heart twist painfully.]

A parent always wishes to help their child and worry for them, sometimes they can miss what their child really needs.

[Her voice softens then, becoming gentle.]

Are you sure you are courting him for the right reasons, Merida? Forgive me for asking... it is your choice, but if it were anything else I would not. You must think of these things, not to answer me, but for yourself. It deals in the heart and I do not wish to see you hurt. [She pauses.] Or having to run from an army for a year to learn.

[Then, her words are more thoughtful and almost to herself.]

I wonder if it is not too late...

[She makes a small noise in the back of her throat, clearing it again.]

I thought about it, a lot, once I realised what he was doin' an' what I was feelin'. I talked to a lot of people to help come to th' decision, get their opinions. I know they're probably selfish reasons, but I want this. If we can't go home until the war's over, are we expected to hold out for someone who might love us when we return, just because it's tradition? What if I don't get to go home? I'd not have lived a full life. [Merida tilts her head, offering her some questions.] What if you were alone here? Would you choose someone else, eventually, if Diarmuid wasn't around?

[She pauses here.]

Too late for what?

Then you are wiser than I. You will make the greatest of leaders for your clan.

[But her eyes grow misty and her voice distance.]

If I were alone, without my kin or husband... I would still not choose another, even if it meant I spent the rest of my life alone.

...How did the story end, Merida?

I don't think I'm wise. I just follow what my heart desires, what I want. I'm young, I'll admit. Maybe I don't know what I'm doing, but if it's what I think is right, my gut instinct is usually correct.

[She makes a small noise of understanding, tone gentle.]

Th' end of it?

You know enough to ask advice of your friends when you are confused, to benefit from the experience of others where you lack your own. Many people fail to do so and are sorry for it.

[A soft sigh, and Grainne almost whispers.]

What happens to Diarmuid and I?

[She pauses, really wondering if she should continue. Inhaling softly, Merida closes her eyes.]

There was a boar, one night, after you had both made your peace with Fionn. Diarmuid went to speak with Fionn, who warned him that th' beast was a curse on him an' that it would be th' one to kill him. Diarmuid did not go back an' said what would happen will happen. Th' boar found him, but neither of his weapons could pierce it's hide and after a long tussle...th' boar gored him lethally, but not before Diarmuid could kill it with a piece of his broken weapon to its throat.

[It was funny how the story hurt, now that she was close to them.]

Fionn came across Diarmuid an' mocked him, even as he was pleaded to bring water to heal him. Fionn taunted him several times, earning a rebuke from Diarmuid on account of all the good he has done to th' one bad. Even as Oisin an' Oscar came along an' threatened Fionn, he knowingly spilt th' water twice, let tin' it slip through his hands. Oscar threatened him again, but it was too late.

[Taking a deep breath, keeping a tight reign on everything she feels at the story, Grainne manages to ask one more.]

Is that all there is..?

That's th' most that I'm aware of, m'lady.

[There's no lie here, no tone of voice to suggest otherwise.]

There's tale that you gave his weapons to your sons an' told them to make war with Fionn, but there's also where you ended up agreein' to marry him in the end. I'm not sure what part of it's true, since it gets vague.

[Nothing comes from the locket for a long time, save for soft sounds that, as time goes by, are more obvious as crying. Why would anyone think that? She loses her husband, possibly her children? Or marries someone she loathes with all her heart?

As much as she misses her children, she finds herself for the first time dreading returning and living through such things.]

[Merida's end is quiet as well, though not for crying but more just contemplation. Elsa told her that she changed her mother back, but she couldn't give the same kind of comfort to Grainne. She wants to be there, next to her, if only so she can wrap the other woman into a hug.

After a bit, she speaks, softly.]

I've learned to live with th' guilt an' regret over what happened between my mother an' I, but it doesn't mean it hurts any less. I'd like to go back an' resolve things, but there's no tellin' when it might happen. I just have to live each day not knowin' when I'll see her again. It doesn't get easier, but I promise that it hurts less when you accept it.

[There's the sound of her wetting her lips.]

I know now how one selfish act can turn th' fate of a kingdom. I'll never be able to look back an' not learn from my mistakes, but if I hadn't made those mistakes in th' first place, I wouldn't have learned from them. I wouldn't have grown th' way I have here.

An' you...wouldn't you be just as miserable then as you are now, knowin' th' fate of your husband, if you had gone through with marryin' Fionn? You wouldn't have your children to fight for, or th' love that you do now, supportin' you here.

[She shakes her head.]

Don't live regrettin' what happened, m'lady. I'm sure Diarmuid doesn't,

Edited 2015-01-11 20:37 (UTC)

Knowing what I do... what I do now, I would marry Fionn if Diarmuid would live, doing what he wants to do most.

[Hiccups, breath hitches, sniffles... everything was there. Her face and ears are read and her throat hurst with the pain. Grainne is not a dignified crier when she is deeply hurt.]

As he is doing here, away from me.

I was selfish once, but that is not love. It is not love...

Love tries.

[Goddamnit Grainne stop breaking her heart when she can't be there to hug you.]

Love tries, an' love hurts an' feels an' a whole bunch of things I can't even begin to understand. If my mother didn't try to love me when I was bein' a right royal pain in th' ass, she would have given up on me. But she never did. Diarmuid might be doin' what he wants to do th' most while he's here, but that doesn't mean you aren't on his mind while he's away. It doesn't mean he cares any less than what he came to while you were on th' run.

[Never.]

That's--... I want him to do what he wants to do most...

[But being away from him hurts.]

It's okay to feel selfish. It's okay to want him there when he isn't.

[She inhales and exhales before continuing.]

Just like it's okay for me to be selfish to want my friends around when they're off doin' their own thing bloody flyin' lizard an' spirit.

→ IC CONTACT FOR eachdraidh

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)