notyetlegend | → IC CONTACT FOR eachdraidh

Oh...

[That sounds a little familiar, and it tore her heart a little to hear something so sad come between mother and daughter.]

I am sorry... mothers and daughters should always know each other's hearts. Did she not see yours? It is so alive and vibrant, I cannot imagine how.

I used to think that sometimes she couldn't see me at all. Not me as I am but th' me she wanted me to be. Someone like her full of grace an' wisdom who was ready to take over as Queen.

[She clears her throat, suddenly finding it a bit clogged as her accent thickened.]

I wasn't ready at all. It's not that I'm avert to gettin' married or takin' over eventually, I just...wasn't ready at th' time. [She pauses.] I guess that's why I chose to court Cu here. Because it was my choice an' I could experience somethin' for myself, th' freedom that came with makin' that choice. An' he doesn't expect me to be anythin' less than who I am.

[There's a small silence as Grainne thinks on that, feeling her heart twist painfully.]

A parent always wishes to help their child and worry for them, sometimes they can miss what their child really needs.

[Her voice softens then, becoming gentle.]

Are you sure you are courting him for the right reasons, Merida? Forgive me for asking... it is your choice, but if it were anything else I would not. You must think of these things, not to answer me, but for yourself. It deals in the heart and I do not wish to see you hurt. [She pauses.] Or having to run from an army for a year to learn.

[Then, her words are more thoughtful and almost to herself.]

I wonder if it is not too late...

[She makes a small noise in the back of her throat, clearing it again.]

I thought about it, a lot, once I realised what he was doin' an' what I was feelin'. I talked to a lot of people to help come to th' decision, get their opinions. I know they're probably selfish reasons, but I want this. If we can't go home until the war's over, are we expected to hold out for someone who might love us when we return, just because it's tradition? What if I don't get to go home? I'd not have lived a full life. [Merida tilts her head, offering her some questions.] What if you were alone here? Would you choose someone else, eventually, if Diarmuid wasn't around?

[She pauses here.]

Too late for what?

Then you are wiser than I. You will make the greatest of leaders for your clan.

[But her eyes grow misty and her voice distance.]

If I were alone, without my kin or husband... I would still not choose another, even if it meant I spent the rest of my life alone.

...How did the story end, Merida?

I don't think I'm wise. I just follow what my heart desires, what I want. I'm young, I'll admit. Maybe I don't know what I'm doing, but if it's what I think is right, my gut instinct is usually correct.

[She makes a small noise of understanding, tone gentle.]

Th' end of it?

You know enough to ask advice of your friends when you are confused, to benefit from the experience of others where you lack your own. Many people fail to do so and are sorry for it.

[A soft sigh, and Grainne almost whispers.]

What happens to Diarmuid and I?

[She pauses, really wondering if she should continue. Inhaling softly, Merida closes her eyes.]

There was a boar, one night, after you had both made your peace with Fionn. Diarmuid went to speak with Fionn, who warned him that th' beast was a curse on him an' that it would be th' one to kill him. Diarmuid did not go back an' said what would happen will happen. Th' boar found him, but neither of his weapons could pierce it's hide and after a long tussle...th' boar gored him lethally, but not before Diarmuid could kill it with a piece of his broken weapon to its throat.

[It was funny how the story hurt, now that she was close to them.]

Fionn came across Diarmuid an' mocked him, even as he was pleaded to bring water to heal him. Fionn taunted him several times, earning a rebuke from Diarmuid on account of all the good he has done to th' one bad. Even as Oisin an' Oscar came along an' threatened Fionn, he knowingly spilt th' water twice, let tin' it slip through his hands. Oscar threatened him again, but it was too late.

[Taking a deep breath, keeping a tight reign on everything she feels at the story, Grainne manages to ask one more.]

Is that all there is..?

That's th' most that I'm aware of, m'lady.

[There's no lie here, no tone of voice to suggest otherwise.]

There's tale that you gave his weapons to your sons an' told them to make war with Fionn, but there's also where you ended up agreein' to marry him in the end. I'm not sure what part of it's true, since it gets vague.

[Nothing comes from the locket for a long time, save for soft sounds that, as time goes by, are more obvious as crying. Why would anyone think that? She loses her husband, possibly her children? Or marries someone she loathes with all her heart?

As much as she misses her children, she finds herself for the first time dreading returning and living through such things.]

[Merida's end is quiet as well, though not for crying but more just contemplation. Elsa told her that she changed her mother back, but she couldn't give the same kind of comfort to Grainne. She wants to be there, next to her, if only so she can wrap the other woman into a hug.

After a bit, she speaks, softly.]

I've learned to live with th' guilt an' regret over what happened between my mother an' I, but it doesn't mean it hurts any less. I'd like to go back an' resolve things, but there's no tellin' when it might happen. I just have to live each day not knowin' when I'll see her again. It doesn't get easier, but I promise that it hurts less when you accept it.

[There's the sound of her wetting her lips.]

I know now how one selfish act can turn th' fate of a kingdom. I'll never be able to look back an' not learn from my mistakes, but if I hadn't made those mistakes in th' first place, I wouldn't have learned from them. I wouldn't have grown th' way I have here.

An' you...wouldn't you be just as miserable then as you are now, knowin' th' fate of your husband, if you had gone through with marryin' Fionn? You wouldn't have your children to fight for, or th' love that you do now, supportin' you here.

[She shakes her head.]

Don't live regrettin' what happened, m'lady. I'm sure Diarmuid doesn't,

Edited 2015-01-11 20:37 (UTC)

Knowing what I do... what I do now, I would marry Fionn if Diarmuid would live, doing what he wants to do most.

[Hiccups, breath hitches, sniffles... everything was there. Her face and ears are read and her throat hurst with the pain. Grainne is not a dignified crier when she is deeply hurt.]

As he is doing here, away from me.

I was selfish once, but that is not love. It is not love...

Love tries.

[Goddamnit Grainne stop breaking her heart when she can't be there to hug you.]

Love tries, an' love hurts an' feels an' a whole bunch of things I can't even begin to understand. If my mother didn't try to love me when I was bein' a right royal pain in th' ass, she would have given up on me. But she never did. Diarmuid might be doin' what he wants to do th' most while he's here, but that doesn't mean you aren't on his mind while he's away. It doesn't mean he cares any less than what he came to while you were on th' run.

[Never.]

That's--... I want him to do what he wants to do most...

[But being away from him hurts.]

It's okay to feel selfish. It's okay to want him there when he isn't.

[She inhales and exhales before continuing.]

Just like it's okay for me to be selfish to want my friends around when they're off doin' their own thing bloody flyin' lizard an' spirit.

Hiccup?

[No, that was't one of Grainne's tear induced ones.]

I know. I have asked him to be near many times, but... always, he goes where he is needed more. I feel as if I have already lost him.

Aye, Hiccup. It makes me worry when I don't hear from them for a while, but I trust them to look after each other.

[As much as she bitched about them, they were still her friends. A pause and then]

If he comes back to you, do you still think that he doesn't want to be near you? This is war, but I don't doubt that neither hell nor high water would stop him from comin' back. You haven't lost him, you're always on his mind.

I know that was true before, back home, but now...

[A sniffle, and she wipes her tears away, sounding a little less in tears.]

He barely returns before he goes again. It is as if he is driven by something. I have needed him since we came here, so much, but I am afraid of telling him so.

Then tell him. Don't dance around an' beat at a dead horse!

[Mer no.]

Communication was what caused problems between me an' my mother, I know now. We didn't do it, just assumed th' other could read our thoughts. Tell him everythin' you just told me you feel.

I have a little, but when does he stay long enough for me to say more? Other times it is neither the time nor the place. I think all it does is make him feel guilty...

[She sighs. It's a hard situation and she fears there is no other resolution.]

If I could keep up with him, maybe I could tell him.

Th' worst you could do is turn him into a bear like I did mum.

[There is a very long pause on Grainne's end while she stares at the locket. Finally, with a tiny sniff, she answers.]

Your turned your mum into a bear?

[Yes, she's surprised, but there is a teeny, tiny bit of humor.]

Gods above, girl, you should have gone for a wolfhound.

[She laughs a little.]

I don't think I had much of a say in th' animal. Th' witch was a bit...er...fond of bears.

[She's glad that she managed to distract her a little though.]

I just wanted a spell to change mum's mind about th' marriage but I didn't specify that enough.

Oh, Merida, I do not think there is any magic in the world that could change a person's mind lest it turn her into an unthinking shell.

[She sighs sadly, running a hand through a lock of hair.]

I hope all goes right for you.

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