MERIDA
COURT Seelie, neutral
INFLUENCE ★ ★ ★
TITLE Friend of the Dead, Hartslayer, Brave Heart, Lady Lioness of DunDealgan
OCCUPATION Lady of DunDealgan. archer, huntress, swordswoman
AGE 20
ABLE TO FAST-TRAVEL
- wings given to Angus via a boon in December 2,700
- as of September 2,701 will have a ring that can teleport her to places she's been before in Seelie territory
COMMUNICATION METHODS
- compass, given by Korra (
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png) sangilak) and made by Hermione (brainiest) that will give network access and point to 'home' (place/person/etc)
- capable of sending correspondence via bird, mainly ravens
RESIDENCE IN 2,701 DunDealgan, south of Daonna
RESIDENCE IN 2,702 DunDealgan, south of Daonna
MAJOR EVENTS
BEAST MASTER
Due to being the only one able to get close to Cu Chulainn and calm him down while in werewolf form, locals around the area of DunDealgan start to regard Merida as a beast master of sorts. Considering how she feels about his warp spasms, she doesn't exactly like this apparent appointment but if it's to protect him from any sort of torches-and-pitchforks scenario, she'll take it on. [ ✖ ]
TRUST IN BLOOD
A search through Treun for the escaped convicts of Leathann turns into a dangerous situation. In a moment of desperation, Merida accidentally kills a convict who has the intent of doing something unsavory to her. Traumatized, it's Gilgamesh of all people who pulls her through and reassures her that she did nothing wrong. The golden king, unwittingly, earns himself her trust and loyalty.
[ ✖ ]
LADY LIONESS
The year had seen to a great deal of change in Merida. Not just in something deciding that her fate lay within the other court, but in herself and the actions that she took, in the thoughts that she processed. Some part of her became...less idealistic, as it were, more open to the idea that this was war. It had taken her just near a year in the Drabwurld to accept that as fact, that she'd only be seeing home in her dreams, and half a year later to find it in herself to move on. This land of the fae was her reality now. These were her people. And that was why she needed to protect them. [ ✖ ]
MAJOR CHANGES
SORCERESS
Merida has started to take her magical studies more seriously than before. By the end of the time skip, she should be appropriately trained in all the magics she has taken on, both fire and runic magic.
WARRIOR
Likewise, Merida has been honing her combat skills throughout the year. With a new sword from Diarmuid as of August and a new bow from Wan as of Yule, she'll feel as though she'll be better prepared for any of the future battles. Having killed her first human (accidentally), Merida starts accepting the idea that it's okay to kill people sometimes.
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PLANS
- co-parenting wolfhound pups with Lancer
- fire magic training
- shard training
- become known as some kind of beast master by the locals
- visit the new Barrel once a month
- bandit stomping along a trade route with Korra
- swan shooting competition with Gilgamesh in April
- Treun tourney
- Samhain
- White Hart Hunt II: the Hart's Revenge
SUMMARY OF KNOWN DETAILS
For the most of it, Merida will be working on training in both her fire magic and her shard, along with learning some runes from Lancer, when she's not taking part in any of the events happening. Gaining influence in the surrounding area. Strengthening and being able to control her magic will be one of her primary focuses. She'll also be helping out around DunDealgan since she'll feel partially responsible for everyone there, considering she's courting its Lord. Many of her efforts will be going towards building up better personal relations between DunDealgan and the natives surrounding the area.
Another thing that I have planned is for her to open up a combat school for women of either court and/or natives only, offering it as a place of refuge during times of battle, and once she's lost her idealism and become a little more war hardened, offer her students out as mercenaries. This will all take time, possibly over the course of two time skips, but ideally I'd like to start planning things out now.
TIMELINE OF EVENTS
| SPRING IN 2,701 (Mar, Apr, May) |
- EARLY MARCH - waking up in Caer Glaem
- EARLY MARCH - chat with Saber
- EARLY MARCH - chat with Mako
- MARCH - making the fortress warm and toasty
- MARCH - helping Diarmuid control his fire
- MARCH - being defrosted by Gilgamesh, telling stories of the fae in exchange
- MARCH - holy Lugh it's a lion
- MARCH - bandit stomping with Korra
- LATE MARCH - chat with Ben
- LATE MARCH - the Barrel
- MARCH - monthly summary
- APRIL - things get frisky thanks to the harp (NSFW)
- APRIL - Diarmuid's birthday at the Barrel
- APRIL - breaking the harp
- MAY - swan hunting competition with Gilgamesh. interruption by bandersnatch
- MAY - running into Ben
- MAY - monthly summary
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| SUMMER IN 2,701 (Jun, Jul, Aug) |
- TREUN - spectating post tournament
- TREUN - exploring the markets and drinking
- TREUN - shopping and talking with Saber
- TREUN - chat with Hiro
- TREUN - dancing with Alyosha
- JUNE - monthly summary
- JULY - talking with Gilgamesh during beachdraidh
- JULY - bar fight
- JULY - helping Diarmuid with CSI: Daonna
- JULY - reassuring Lancer and going home
- AUGUST - training and talk with Diarmuid
- AUGUST - to the Sunsoak Markets. Diarmuid asks an important question
- AUGUST - monthly summary
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| FALL IN 2,701 (Sept, Oct, Nov) |
- SEPTEMBER - visiting Alice
- SAMHAIN - relaxing with the bae
- SAMHAIN - talking with the Shuck
- SAMHAIN - dancing and talks with Diarmuid
- SAMHAIN - relaxing and talking with Sam
- SAMHAIN - adventures in Scima with Gilgamesh
- SAMHAIN - what happens in Samhain stays at Samhain
- NOVEMBER - team up with Wan in Daonna
- NOVEMBER - archery lessons with Wan
- NOVEMBER - trouble in Treun (cw: sensitive topics)
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| WINTER IN 2,701/2,702 (Dec, Jan, Feb) |
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| SPRING IN 2,702 (Mar, Apr, May) |
- MARCH - QUEST: skeleton zombies
- MARCH - post quest wind down. serious talks with Sam (cw: sensitive topics)
- APRIL - Station date with Hiro
- LATE APRIL - lone fox
- LATE APRIL - furry time at the Barrel
- MAY - stopping Alice from doing something stupid ಠ_ಠ
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He's relieved that she's not offended and actually answers his question, arms folding over his stomach as he listens patiently. He can believe that Saber would think such a thing. It would make the most sense. But...could the shards really be determined by the heart of a shardbearer?]
I know people can change as they get older, but...that's still a lot. [He blinks slowly, pondering over that.] I don't think even if I went home I'd change that much. I have things to do there but it's no different than here. I was fourteen when I showed up in the Drabwurld but sometimes I feel like nothing's changing at all. Things are just getting bigger. I don't know if that makes sense.
I guess I'm asking because you're the first one I've met who switched sides without really having a say in it. The other girl I know actually asked Morla.
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I won't be speakin' to Solais anytime soon. I have a friend that asked her about th' war an' another took th' fall for her an' had his powers an' titles stripped. [Needless to say, she was terrified of meeting Solais.] I think that's a meetin' I'll put on hold for a while to come.
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[There's another short pause.] If you had a chance to change your own fate, would you? Without the outside influence of the monarchs, without anybody interfering. If you had your own choice...would you change anything about how things are now?
[Talking about dead rabbits was much, much better, wasn't it?]
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[The other being who had a hand in that was the Black Shuck, but that hadn't been until much later in the month. She turned her head to look at Hiro, with a slightly raised eyebrow when he says that, whistling.] Well, I have heard th' Unseelie are far more forgivin' of traitors. An' she must have impressed her some.
[There's a small part of her that just can't help the little laugh that leaves her mouth at that.]
I used to ask that. If I could change my fate an' choose whether or not I wanted to marry, wanted to take over th' homestead from my mother. [She shakes her head, smiling softly.] I think if I was sixteen again, with th' knowledge that I have now of how that turned about, I'd be speakin' to my mother rather than askin' a witch for a spell to change her mind.
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What did she say to you to convince you? [And he shrugs.] That's what I said, but she didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal to offer what she had to Morla. Some people are kinda crazy. [In a good way.
The laugh startles him a tiny bit, but not enough for him to back down.]
I know you're not supposed to mess with magic but sometimes it just seems like the easier way out, doesn't it? [He shakes his head then.] Sometimes I wish I could go back and fix everything that happened at home. It'd change my "fate"--[Yes, he even uses air quotes]--entirely though. I don't know if things would be better or worse. They'd be better back home, maybe, but they might be worse if I were here.
Even if you can't change fate, there's always the possibility of changing somebody's mind, isn't there? Even if changing their mind would be the change of fate. I guess I can't decide if they're mutually exclusive or not.
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[She'll elaborate if he asks, but the look on her face says just as much as she won't say. That she trusted the Shuck more than the monarchs. Merida inclined her head at that, conceding.]
Aye, I thought that too. That it'd be easier. I thought a quick an' easy fix would make my mother call off th' marriage, but it just messed things up by turnin' her into a bear. [She raises an eyebrow when he uses air quotes, tapping her chin again as she leaned back in her chair.] Sometimes things happen for a reason, just like my shard or my heart decidin' I belong in Seelie an' fallin' in love here in th' Drabwurld.
[There's a pause as she purses her lips together, looking at him.]
Do you think changin' how things went back home would make any difference?
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...Merida you are hitting way too many buttons about things he's been struggling with and as much as Hiro wants to pretend he's good at hiding everything, he wears his emotions so openly on his face these days that it's hard for him not to react to her words. (First off, a bear? Right. Did he know that? Probably not. Though that explains the bear marks, maybe.) But moreso he's reacting to the things about the heart deciding where she belongs and "falling in love."
No. There is...way, way too much to unpack. One step at a time.]
Yes. [It's a very immediate answer, but he knows it's true. If Tadashi had lived, and if Callaghan hadn't stolen his microbots? If he'd just been a little more careful, maybe, or if he had stopped Tadashi from running into the building? Everything would be so different. His gaze drops to his lap suddenly.] ...remember how we were talking about creating legends here? What if I told you that I started creating my own back home, too?
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[As do their prouder shardbearers. She doesn't say that part, doesn't want him to start getting assumptions about some people, and by they she means the monarchs. Arrogance could be someone's downfall, she knew that personally. Her own arrogance about showing up the suitors had caused a myriad of problems. Merida glances up when he says yes, smile back and soft. She's not going to ask if he doesn't want to share, but her eyebrows raise a little in surprise.]
Oh are you now?
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There's a slight sound of almost-amusement as she speaks of arrogance, immediately picking up on what she means. He can't really say anything to it though. He's been going through his own bouts of arrogance lately, too. His own arrogance was almost his downfall at home and had almost been his downfall enough times here.
Give him time. He's willing to share but he just needs to craft the story very, very carefully.]
Uh-huh. You're not familiar with the term "superhero" are you? [Maybe someone here had already told her.]
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[Which is to say, Christianity. She's quiet though, letting him know that she's going to be patient with him. If there's one thing Merida's learned, it's that patience can go a long way. Diarmuid has definitely rubbed off on her in a lot of ways, all things considered. Giving him time was definitely a thing she could do, and she raises an eyebrow at the word, shaking her head.]
I'm well versed in legendary heroes [her lover and Drabwurld father being two]</small but not superheroes.
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[There. That was easy. And sort of not painful to explain. Just...kinda weird. Man, he's never really thought about it. Nevertheless now that he's looking at her it's hard for him to look away despite the fact he's fidgeting a bit. From one impatient creature to a former impatient one, it's most appreciated. It's fine for Hiro to be impatient and moody but if anyone tries to rush him while he's struggling to get everything in order, it'll set him back and he'll clam up again.
There's a tilt of his head at the phrasing "legendary heroes."] I don't think they're the same thing. [How does one explain...] In my world, a superhero is...[No, wait, start over.] Sometimes normal people realize that there are unfair things in the world and they want to fix those. They want to help protect their cities and stop bad guys from harming other people and they do it in a way using powers or other abilities, things policemen or whatever can't do. That's what a superhero is.
Back home, some bad things happened and I had to be the one to stop the guy causing them. My friends helped me and I made all of our armor and weapons that helped us stop him. That was a few days before I came here.
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[In a fashion anyway. Her hand leaves the air and returns to its place at the ring around her throat, turning it around absentmindedly as he explains. There's nothing really to compare legendary heroes to. By her time, the exploits of Diarmuid had faded to only the Pursuit and Cu Chulainn had become renowned for his berserk state. Having come to know both, she knows they are more than their legends, just as she knows that Hiro is more than the one he says he's starting to make back in his world.]
So you decided to take your fate into your own hands.
[Just like she did, but perhaps in not such a terrible way? Time would tell if he told her in more detail.]
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[That's not the point. The point, rather, is--well. Actually he's pausing the point because he's watching her play with that ring. He wants to ask what it represents and his gaze flickers down to his hand where there's a silver ring on his own hand carved with protective runes. A gift from Grell for his task. It doesn't seem to be the same but he can ask her later. He's already started. He can't stop now while he's making his point to hopefully obtain answers.
In a way though, yes, he did. Even if he doesn't think of it that way.]
I did what I had to do because nobody else would. [The police were of no help when he told them about the microbots. He'd been the one to puzzle out that the man in the mask was responsible for Tadashi's death. He'd been the one to make Baymax's armor. He'd been the one to talk his friends into helping him. He'd been the one to start everything.
...he'd also been the one to give the villain the tools he needed. He swallows around the lump in his throat as he continues.] ...I had to be the one to stop it because I was the one who accidentally started it. I created my own legend because I'd changed the way the story was supposed to go on accident. That's why I wanted to know if...[...if it was common to question what would happen if he'd changed fate again, and if it was possible to really do that.]
It was my fault. [It's hard to say if it's a statement of its own, or if it's a tack-on to the previous one. Either or seems fitting.]
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[That was how they knew who was going to die, because nobody could witness a Dullahan at work. Not that she says that to him, because it seemed to her that the subject of the Reaper alone was a bit troubling. Her expression softens and she stops fiddling with the ring for a moment when she hears that, smiling in understanding.]
It's a hard thing, to admit something's your fault. Sometimes it takes losin' somethin' to realize that it was. [She sounds as though she speaks from experience, crossing her arms on her lap.] You stepped up an' took th' blame before it could get worse, an' that's a brave thing to do.
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...I just wish it wasn't something I never wanted to lose in the first place. [It's the way she's handling the subject that makes him more comfortable to speak about it, thumb moving to spin the ring on his finger in idle thought.] I wouldn't call it bravery though. Bravery would be if it was for something good, wouldn't it? Back home, it started out as vengeance.
[There's a reason he's taking this slow and a reason he's bringing this up now, especially with the war starting to really, really heat up. But so far in this world he's always told the story in bits and pieces, little spurts that aren't in a cohesive order. This would be one of the very few times he provided everything in the right timeline.]
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[She leaves the subject of Dullahans and Grim Reapers alone for now, choosing instead to focus on the other side of the discussion. Merida taps her finger to her chin, tilting her head as she considers. She wouldn't have said that vengeance had been what had turned her to want help from a witch, simply the need to express her own opinion on the marriage and wanting to not go through with it. Having talked it over with her mother a few days after, she'd learned that Elinor had been opposed to and reserved over her marriage to Fergus.]
Back home, we have this legend. A prince an' his brothers inherited th' kingdom from their father when he grew old, th' land divided evenly up between them. Th' prince, wantin' more an' feelin' scorned an' needin' vengeance, sought out a witch an' asked her for th' strength of ten men. He drew his brothers together, claimin' to be seekin' peace but instead cause a war.
[She purses her lips together. Her mother had told her this story many times before, but none of them with so much detail.]
A great darkness fell across th' land that day. Th' spell th' witch had given him turned him into a bear an' yes, it granted him th' strength of ten men. But as th' prince hadn't realized th' error of his ways an' apologized to his brothers instead of cuttin' them down, there was no one to change him back by mendin' th' bond torn by pride. He spent many years skulkin' around th' forests of th' Highlands, wallowin' in his regret. [Merida lowered her hand, looking at Hiro.] Mor'du, we called him, "Great Black".
[There's a small shake of her head.]
Vengeance doesn't always start out th' right path, but if you realized an' felt remorse for your actions, sought to make up for what you did, then I'd consider that brave, just for knowin' you did th' wrong thing.
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Mor'd--you mean that demon bear your dad was protecting Dunbroch from? [He remembers that faintly from their very first conversation. Funny, the things he actually bothers to remember.] Suddenly things make a lot more sense. [It's interesting to think what would have happened if he had let his pride continue to get in the way. If he hadn't apologized to his team and if he'd ignored Baymax's (and Tadashi's, ultimately) wishes and went after Callaghan again. He's pretty sure he wouldn't have spent years wandering around as a bear, but it would have been a regret, certainly.
His fingers drum on the table top as he thinks, opening and closing his mouth a few times as he thinks of how to start.]
...it took a lot for me to realize that I was trying to do the wrong thing because I was so sure it was the right one. Ever hear the saying "an eye for an eye"? [A beat.] I was really, really convinced that "a life for a life" was a fair trade.
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[She's actually a bit surprised that he remembered that, realizing their first conversation had been little over a year ago. Then again, Hiro always did seem like the smart type to her. Merida links her fingers together and puts them over her crossed knee, looking surprised and a little...it was hard to describe what she was feeling, hearing that.]
Someone recently told me that sometimes people deserve to die. [The small grimace on her face says that it hadn't been a pleasant experience before she looks back at him.] Do you still believe they did?
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It's probably not surprising there's a little bit of sympathy on his face. It's...a mixed sort of feeling. It's the same way he felt about Callaghan in the end. Still does, if he's being honest. Do people deserve to die? No...well. It depends. Generally speaking if Hiro were asked that question he'd say no. But there are things that have happened here, darker times settling in. It's just another conflict and it makes him remember something Jason told him a long, long time ago. Back when they first met.
'I don't know what defines superheroes where you come from, but it's the willingness to not end someone's life. But you've heard it from 'em, haven't you? The imps. At the end of the day, that mindset won't fit here. Hell, they'd be lost.'
Even after more than a year here, he can't decide where he really stands on the issue. But at least he can answer Merida's question in regards to the subject at hand.]
No. [He shakes his head slowly like he's being careful with his words.] Killing Callaghan wouldn't bring Tadashi back. And Tadashi wouldn't have wanted it to happen that way. [He sucks his lower lip between his teeth, gnashing it for a moment.] I tried to kill him at first, but in the end my team and I stopped him from ending another man's life and I saved his daughter. ["I." He made the reckless decision to take Baymax and jump through the portal to...do Callaghan a favor? It wouldn't have been right to leave her. Not when they had a chance to save her. He might not have been able to save Tadashi, but he could try to make up for it little by little.] He's in jail now. I don't know how long his sentence is but no matter the outcome the past would have stayed the same.
[Tadashi would still be gone.]
And that's why I'm not sure I really belong here even after all this time.
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Wouldn't bring Tadashi back. Tadashi had obviously been somebody important to him if he was willing to kill to bring him back, if it was possible. Just like her mother had ended up being one of her most important people. The I there catches her attention too, a sympathetic smile curling across her lips.]
You're willin' to put th' change into your world, to make it. That's what you said a "superhero" did, right? Unseelie like change. They like goin' against tradition an' keepin' their own ideals against a world that's constantly challengin' them. [She tilted her head.] I think th' change you went through, th' change you're makin' in th' lives of your people. That's why you belong.
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He'll ask. He'll have to ask because Merida's had this conversation with someone before. Why? What happened? Though he hasn't verbally asked yet the question's written all over his face and he's going to loop around probably when she least expects it. Close loops, Hiro. One thing at a time.
Tadashi means the world to him even now and though his brother's death had been so fresh when he arrived, time apart and time to heal have made him a better person in the wake of it. He still continues applying Tadashi's logic. Strangely enough, Tadashi's logic has helped him deal with the dead when trying to respect their final wishes.]
I--[Well. Yes, actually, and for a moment he looks gobsmacked. There's no argument for that. He blinks at her for a moment, pausing as he struggles to regain his footing in the conversation.] ...maybe. Does that mean that my heart wants me to be constantly changing? [It's a rhetorical question.]
Sometimes I think about things from home like if I'd still be Unseelie if I had managed to stop Tadashi or if I had actually killed Callaghan. What if things were still normal? What if Tadashi was still alive and we didn't become superheroes? Would the monarchs still think that the way I change things is enough? [All rhetorical questions that he waves off.] It's just stuff like that that I've given a ton of thought to.
[And with that loop closed...] You said someone told you sometimes people deserve to die. Why?
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[These are all things she's come to terms with herself, over the last year of being in a different court. It hadn't necessarily been Solais who had changed her heart or stolen her, but herself. A few talks with others put things into perspective but she did most of the thinking herself, mulling over it in the last few seasons.
His question makes her inhale sharply, bottom lip slipping under her teeth and chewing on it. Her talks with Gilgamesh aside, she hadn't told anyone other than Diarmuid what had happened, but...since Hiro had said he'd thought about killing someone...she wondered if he would have anything to say about it.]
When th' convicts escaped Leathann, I went lookin' for some of them. I thought perhaps I could pay off some of their debts, take them back to work in th' castle. [Her fingers drum a little nervously against her knee, looking away and reaching up to play with the ring again, taking in a breath.] One of them caught me by surprise. He had an advantage, bein' bigger an' stronger than me, an' he started draggin' me off.
[Here, she pauses and glances away, breathing out slightly. She wants to spare him some of the details of what transgressed, but he did ask why so...] I took my sword out to scare him off but I accidentally ran it through him. [It's obvious the subject is still a little raw because of the way she has trouble speaking for a minute. For all that she'd talked about killing small animals easily before, this was way, way different.] Someone I know found me an' took care of me until I could think straight. He's th' one who told me some people deserve to die.
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It's a lot to swallow. It means being accountable for everything, and that includes all of his actions here. He'd spoken to Jason about letting him make his own choices, but at the same time he keeps trying to justify his choices as not having a choice. Over time, he's slowly come to terms with the fact that he's made a lot of mistakes and has a lot of things he has to go back and fix. It's only then that he'll grow and change again.
He doesn't say anything, but the shift in demeanor is enough to prove Merida's point's sunken in. Her reaction to his question though is curious and he sits up a little taller, leaning on the table to give her his undivided attention.]
…back in November, right? [When he'd spent a month doing, yet again, stupid things. A quest for Ariadne in the vain hope Morla would notice. Running to Spire 9 and dealing with vampires. He hadn't thought about it since then. (And he's really gotta ask her about that ring sooner or later.)
As she describes what happens, his face clouds over just the slightest. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like that Merida had to physically fight someone off of her, but…this is war, isn't it? He can handle the details. In a way, he's not even the slightest be surprised how the events played out. Merida, much like himself, would fight to defend herself even if the outcome was accidental. He takes a deep inhale, hand scrubbing over his eyes as he thinks of how to phrase what he's thinking. He knows it's not easy for her to discuss but he's grateful she did.]
…you know you didn't do anything wrong, right? It was self-defense. If we didn't know how to defend ourselves from the people who're fighting dirty we'd all be pretty screwed. [Please say you understand, Merida.] I wouldn't say that it's that people deserve to die, but maybe more that the circumstances are way more understandable when you present all of the facts like that. Saying some people deserve to die kinda makes it sound like you plan on killing people that deserve it.
[You know. Sort of like how he'd planned on killing Callaghan. Oops.] He attacked first. And you did what you had to do even if you didn't know how it would end. I think that takes a small amount of bravery, too.
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Hiro's response snaps her out of her wandering thoughts, looking a little glassy eyed when she glanced back at him and for a moment, she's relieved. He doesn't blame her, and his words echo Gilgamesh's in some form or fashion. But she also worries, closing her eyes and leaning back in her chair as she mulled over her thoughts.]
Aren't we killin' some people who deserve to die durin' this war anyway? [Merida's voice is soft, hesitant, and she unravels her thoughts from the last few months. You were brave. Gilgamesh had said that too, as she fell into a dreamless sleep after the fact. Still, she lets out a small sigh, blue eyes going back to looking normal.] Thank you. Thank you, I...I needed to hear that from someone else I think. [Her hand reached up to rub at her eyes again.] I don't plan on killin' anyone else. [
Yet.] I didn't do anythin' wrong, an' I don't believe I did. It's just.,. [Here, she sighs.] Hard to deal with.no subject
He can't blame her when he knows if push came to shove, he'd do the same. It's about survival at the end of the day. Murder though it may be, the difference is that it was an act of self-defense from something she didn't want. The idea that other people could blame her disgusts and upsets him a little, but he's keeping his mouth shut. He doesn't know all of the details, but he can imagine.]
I guess so. But if we're talking about that, do we wanna talk about the fact that you and I should technically be trying to kill each other because of our shards? [He raises an eyebrow. Just sayin', Mer. He's not planning on doing such a thing either and he's clear on that. There's a soft sigh that follows though.] That's the difference isn't it? You're not planning on doing these things. He planned to hurt you. That's the difference. That's why it's not your fault for doing what you did. Ask anybody around here. Ask them what they'd do if they were attacked first. I bet they'd all say they'd fight right back and I bet more than half would be doing it with actual intention.
[He's very firm about that.] …but I know. I mean I don't know, but. [Start over.] …I didn't kill Callaghan, but it took a little while to come to terms with the fact that I really tried. Remember that big battle in February of last year? That last month the new Shardbearers showed up. I thought maybe I could go through with it this time…killing somebody I mean. I had a guy right in my eyesight and I had my weapon raised and I just…couldn't do it. Somebody had to finish the job for me before picking me up and hauling me off of the battlefield. [No really, Jason threw him over his shoulder and dragged him kicking and screaming back to the castle.]
This place makes us do a lot of things we never would have thought we'd do. It's all a question of what are we consciously aware of and what are we doing out of survival instinct, don't you think? If surviving here is wrong, then I don't really want to be right.
[Granted, he's been doing a lot to jeopardize that, but he'll get there in a second. He wants that to sink in first.]
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